Adventure, Ho!

>DETERMINE how fire started

You DETERMINE that the FIRE was likely caused by GROSS CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE, combined with a LACK OF RESPECT for the CITY BY-LAWS regarding the proper maintenance of an OPEN FLAME.

Or possibly by the LIT TORCHES and GASOLINE spread all over the OFFICE FLOOR.

>Dive FACEFIRST out window

You FALL out the WINDOW.

Using your VAST TRAINING you break your FALL with your FACE.

You are UNHARMED.

>LOOK

You are standing in a STREET. There are MANY DOORS.

There is a MAN IN A CLOWN SUIT handing out samples of FANCY MUSTARD on the CORNER.

>Ignore CLOWN. Enter fifth DOOR

You enter a TOMCO(TM) store. TOM, the owner, is at the COUNTER. They have a VAST ASSORTMENT of MOUSTACHE MAINTENANCE TOOLS, and LAUNDRY DETERGENTS.

ON the COUNTER there is a SUSPICIOUS EGG.

>Quickly exchange SUSPICIOUS EGG with BROKEN WRISTWATCH when TOM isn't looking

TOM is ALWAYS WATCHING.

ALWAYS.

GOOD THING that your BOSS secretly placed your BROKEN WRISTWATCH back into your INVENTORY. He knew how IMPORTANT it was to YOUR FATHER.

ADDED SUSPICIOUS EGG TO INVENTORY
REMOVED BROKEN WRISTWATCH FROM INVENTORY

>Locate nearest KITCHEN

TOM informs your that there is a large KITCHEN APPLIANCE section in the TOMCO STORE next door. He RECOMMENDS their WIDE VARIETY OF UTENSILS.

>Shadily place loose change on counter and shadily say "Man, I sure could use kitchen supplies right now. And it sure would be a shame if anything were to happen to these coins if I left them here while have a look at those supplies..."
>wink and pick up kitchen supplies

TOM nods shadily at your shady antics, and, in a shady manner, shadily provides you with a SET OF UTENSILS.

CHOOSE ONE!

PRACTICE SPOON
BEGINNER'S FORK
NOVICE KNIFE

> Pick up BEGINNER'S FORK, weave tines onto bowl part of spoon without touching it and take both

UNLOCKED SECRET ITEM!

ADDED SPORK TO INVENTORY

NEW SKILL UNLOCKED - WEEKEND AT SPORKY'S

>Grab a microwave, run around TOM a bunch of times, run out door while he's facing the other way

ALWAYS.

WATCHING.

ADDED TOMCO MICROWAVE (TM) TO INVENTORY

You are now outside again. The MAN IN A CLOWN SUIT is looking so distressed he grew a yellow exclamation point.

>ask MAN if he knows of any power outlets

The MAN IN A CLOWN SUIT turns to you mechanically.

"HELLO CITIZEN <Reginald Douthwright>! I'm so happy you've arrived, for you see-" He starts coughing, and swats away the exclamation point. "Whoa, sorry about that man, I think I had a stroke or something. An outlet? Yeah, sure, there should be one in SHADY BAR." He looks over his head, visibly annoyed, and walks away, keeping one eye on the empty air above him.

>take EXCLAMATION POINT
>walk into BAR like I OWN THE PLACE

ADDED EXCLAMATION POINT TO INVENTORY

The SHADY BAR is full of GRIM CUSTOMERS. Nearly all of them look like LOOSE CANNONS with SOMETHING TO PROVE, who are ONE SLIP UP away from being forced to TURN IN THEIR BADGE AND GUN.

You fit right in, and your apparent ownership of the SHADY BAR does not go unnoticed. A group of SUSPICIOUS THUGS motion for you to join them in their ILLICIT DEALINGS, unless you DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

>tell SUSPICIOUS THUGS I have more important shit to do
>plug MICROWAVE in wall and insert SUSPICIOUS EGG

You have clearly HURT THE FEELINGS of the SUSPICIOUS THUGS. They LEAVE the bar, SOBBING, their ILLICIT DEALINGS unfinished.

ADDED NAUGHTY PLAYING CARDS TO INVENTORY

The SUSPICIOUS EGG responds well to your TOMCO MICROWAVE. Unfortunately, the TOMCO MICROWAVE does not respond well to your SUSPICIOUS EGG, and is DESTROYED, SOMEHOW.

REMOVED SUSPICIOUS EGG FROM INVENTORY

REMOVED TOMCO MICROWAVE FROM INVENTORY

ADDED LIGHTLY IRRADIATED EGG TO INVENTORY

>ask GRIM CUSTOMERS if any of them have a GEIGER COUNTER I can borrow